My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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