Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
