No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
