I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
