he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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