And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
