HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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