What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
