Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
