You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
