There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
