You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
