Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
he puts the penis in happiness.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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