there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
