Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
