How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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