You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
