the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
