Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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