I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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