nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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