Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
