last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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