I want to stick my p in your. b.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He did a backflip because drugs
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
