I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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