We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
