legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
