went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
