I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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