how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
