I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
