you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
