Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
