are you still at the devil's house?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
