i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
