I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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