Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
