I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
