Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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