Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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