is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
