Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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