I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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