so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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