pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
