Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
