Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
