Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
