I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
