I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
