I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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