Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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