i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
