At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
