I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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