hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
